Taking back "Badass"

SkiingWomen AdventureOutdoor AdventureGuided Adventure

Mar 13

Scrolling through my email one morning, a subject line popped out at me from my dear friend Kellie Okonek stating “re-define BADASS”, without hesitation, I clicked open and go ahead and read for yourself what I found: Re-defining what it means to be a Badass. I was both floored and moved with what I read. I recalled how many times I had cringed at people calling me a “badass”; recoiling in fright and the paralysis of imposter syndrome that they would find me out for sure now! I was terrified of doing anything with anyone for fear they would take this compliment back from me once they saw the “real” me in action. And then, something in me softened to that wisened woman staring back at me from the mirror. I shifted my gaze internally and realized that, I too, had been defining it wrong all this time as well. Traditionally, we associated this word with an external checklist of accomplishments and daring feats trumpeted on social media and across other channels. It fueled an unhealthy comparison game in me, burying me in insecurity. Imposter syndrome is the syndrome where accomplished people (most often women) are scared that they will be “found out” by others around them that they really aren’t qualified to be there. This has paralyzed me in life, causing me to hold myself back out of my own fear of failure.

I began to explore what a shift from an external checklist to an internal checklist would look like; much like Kellie does in her blog post. I needed to find my own list, to look deep within my own self and what I’ve found is remarkable. When I first moved to Girdwood, I started a brazen girl gang of “badasses” and we called ourselves Girls Gone Girdwood. We even made t-shirts with charlie’s angels type silhouettes carrying their skis like weapons. The quote on the shirt read: “Just cuz we sleep with you, doesn’t mean we’ll ski with you.” It was a bold new feminism, owning both the power of our sexuality as well as our athleticism. It was outrageous and certainly a fun chapter complete with sequin chaps and custom GGG belt buckles; but one, best put behind us as we transitioned into our 40’s. Now, I find myself circling back to the GGG, but this time those letters represent my internal badass checklist. Grace, generosity and gratitude. I want these three internal foci to shape my badassery into what it means to be a mentor, what it looks like to risk in love, how to show up vulnerable, how to engage connections, and how to delve deeper in curiosity. This internal exploration is allowing me to leave Imposter syndrome and the machismo culture of external badassery in the dust. It’s drawing my shoulders back, my chin high and my smile lines to glow with and inside out kind of love that I had hardly known before.

With Grace, Generosity and deep everlasting Gratitude, I am holding hands with my inner Badass and waltzing ourselves right proudly into my 50th year.

Grace, Generosity , Gratitude
Vulnerability
Curiosity
Exploring
Connection
Internal

VERSUS

Imposter syndrome
Machismo
Lack of fear/insecurity
External achievement/reward